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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

6:29PM - If I'd just asked...

If I'd just asked...

Some people know me quite well here.. some don't. I'm what I'd call myself an introverted extrovert. I love being round people, staying in contact with people and will happily chat to new people.

But I have this thing of not asking questions I really should...

And then because I don't ask, things fester, I over analyse, I worry, I see the worst outcome...

For those of you who don't know, I've been off work with work related stress and anxiety since Friday October 12th.

The final straw happened and I walked out of work in tears. I took refuge at a friends as I was barely able to see through my tears (not safe to drive) and immediately made an appointment with my doctors. The doc told me to see how things went and to make an appointment if I needed it the following week. That week I called in sick while I contacted works health and wellbeing service. They got me in touch with a counsellor.

During this period I was in such a state that seeing my managers name pop up in my email set me off in floods of tears, nevermind reading it. I had to get my husband to help me write email responses as I just froze up in panic thinking about it. Just THINKING about what had happened made me break down.

Yet as my counsellor and doctor had told me I needed to continue my hobbies, to continue with the rest of life as normal, I told very few people I was off ill. Of those who were told, I said very little.

I'll apologise now to anyone who may be hurt by me not speaking up, it wasn't a betrayal of trust. I've always considered myself strong, able to help others when they need it, to be a rock for them. During this time I felt weak, I was ashamed I couldn't be strong for myself, and I was embarrassed that I was having these issues.

On a car ride people were saying how they didn't take time off work unless they were really ill and I had to keep quiet at that. I didn't consider having a mental illness as being ill, and I was embarrased and ashamed that I was off work. I met up with a friend I'd started chatting to online, and never mentioned being off ill. It didn't seem right to burden others with my worries and troubles and doubts.

But with the help of a counsellor I came to realise that I had justification in being upset, in feeling the way I was.

I planned to speak to HR a few times, but procrastinated, put it off. Last monday I called them, having pinned my hopes on them being able to help. Friends, the doctor and counsellor all advised speaking to HR.

HR were as useful as a chocolate teapot.

All my hopes and careful planning in my head was shattered last monday. My husband had to come home to look after me as I was a wreck.

But out of the ashes rose the phoneix...

Last Wednesday I spoke to my manager face to face. I went through every single niggle I'd had and explained how situations had made me feel. And we worked through every single thing individually.

And you know what? They could have been resolved had I just asked at the time...

The thing with not asking is the worry grinds you down, your self confidence is taken away piece by piece. You start to worry about things that are so trivial.. yet at the time they mean the world and are life or death situations. You don't know what people think of you, or if you are doing a good job, if your comment was inappropriate, if there's a hidden agenda behind not being invited to something...

And this fear, this panic debilitates you. Your thoughts have no room for reason or logic, emotions run high and you feels trapped.

HR being shit took away my crutch, it made me hit rock bottom. But the upside is that once you're down there the only way is up.

I prepared myself, wrote everything down. I got a third party to be there, just to be a presence. Part of my anxiety was that I'd be challenged that I "couldn't" feel a certain way and that I had no justification.

And although I was in tears for an hour, I got everything off my chest.

And it still came down to, had I spoken up at the time, just asked about the niggle...
It never would have come to this.

My second meeting was today. There are steps to be taken on both sides,

But I go back to work on Tuesday.

I have never been as excited about work as I am currently!! :)

I've needed to get this off my chest, be able to tell people the truth, not covered in a half lie. So I am sending love and hugs to anyone who cares about me


Current mood: calm

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

6:47PM - Quandrary

Something I've been wondering is whether there ever a right time to "give up".

Now one thing I pride myself on is seeing things through. I am a completer/finishes to coin a corporate phrase...

I did the milkshake diet even though I hated it, but I persisted for three weeks. I'm doing lent this year of no cocoa or sweeties, hating it but managing, even though I have baby chocolate bunnies guarding my computer that I see daily.

So giving in to what I assume is depression is not an option right? Is it the easy way out?

Today something happened where I ended up crying in the toilets for an hour, unable to stop and calm down. The only thing running through my read was 'I need to go to my desk, get my things and get as far away from work as possible' but even the thought of going back my desk made me feel ill.

In the end I calmed down enough to get a collegue to talk to, and got them to speak to my manager on my behalf. I went back to work and carried on doing work via unpaid overtime till twenty past six.

Things are in a better place atm, but I will need to speak to manager face to face on Friday.

My quandrary is then, even though I hate "giving in" and so did not, by calming down and getting on with it, have I actually done the right thing??


Tuesday, February 7, 2012

9:00AM - Long time no post...

Well yesterday I went for a job interview, it was informal with lots of questions about what was on my cv. Not sure about the outcome tbh, but will wait and see....

Work is being a bit rubbish, but I'm not gonna go into any details.

My car is poorly however should be better on Wednesday :)

The weekend was lots of fun despite little sleep, surprised my mum with her 60th birthday present and bought her a new swimming costume.

Sams birthday caused reminiscing of kis birthday, both at the same pub, both with karaoke, albeit thirteen years apart! I did my magic and both the younger and older crowds enjoyed the songs (self control, bring me to life, left outside alone and poison). Also the cheapest night out in a while where I've got drunkled.. doubles plus mixer at three quid, and on an empty stomach, will do that to you :)

Looking forward to March, off to the spa with my mum, then have a pamper day booked when kis off larping, then there's the nationals *squee*

Oh and the gamers agm was Sunday, I stood for nationals coordinator and got in :) I've not had a project in a year and I'm getting twitchy....

Love n hugs


Sunday, January 29, 2012


A similar theme to peters post... I'm not dead!

January was pretty hectic for me.. turns out Feb and March will be the same.. will post proper stuff later as "I now have an app for that" :)

Saturday, September 3, 2011

8:44PM - Starting Size

OK so on Tuesday 31st August I weighted the following:

333 lbs
151.1 kg
23 st 11 lb

My body was the following size

Bicep was 43cm / 17"
Forearm was 32cm/30cm (L/R)
Overbust was 153cm / 60 1/4"
Underbust was 114cm / 44 7/8"
Corset Waist was 145cm / 57"
Natural Waist was 133cm / 52 3/8"
Hips was 139cm / 54 3/4"
Thigh was 82cm / 32 3/8"
Calf 53cm / 21"

Lets see what Wednesday brings....

Current mood: excited

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

8:43AM - Monthly updates

I'm so far behind now that I'm gonna leave them for the time being especially as i'll now be posting weekly about my diet. I may come back to them.. I may not... if you really need to know what's been happening look for my Facebook page :)

Monday, August 8, 2011

5:34PM - Summer Moot 1111

IC Hot:
The hornblade
- Feeling needed by the faction
- Being entrusted to get it all right
- Chats with Spirithoof and finding out there were already tales of Marianna that had reached the herd.
- Also telling him my story and the kind words he spoke in return.
- The rite... sent chills right through me at one point, showing how much we all care for the faction
- Going off with Spirithoof to Howling Peak with both blades on Sunday......
- Last minute trades on Sunday meaning hardly any make slots were wasted
- Being needed by the guild

IC Not:
- Trouble with Ele and not getting to go with her to the Tarantulan camp
- Not getting training
- Standing down as High Admiral (but needed to be done)
- Spending maybe only 6 hours in the Guild all weekend (but I still mananged to be there when required)
- Being told I wasn't "properly" making an artefact

OC Hot:
- New tents - meant we were offsite at 4pm!!! (which is awesome when you have a 6-7 hour journey ahead of you!)
- Being able to focus more time on things that matter
- Not needing to cook/wash up - a godsend :D
- Possibility of helping the guild out more

OC Not:
- Having torn a ligament in my foot a month ago I made it a lot worse on Friday (using the wrong foot to get up off the ground, feeling something go wrong in my foot, and collapsing to the floor for a while) which made the rest of the weekend difficult to move about :(
- Other people being ill
- 'Krysh' getting so frustrated at people walking off midsentence to Marianna when trying to sort out the hornblade..... was very difficult not to convey that across as Marianna
- The long drive to the event/back - can we invent a teleporter please?
- No-one being interested in the faction gate/the unicorns being unable to take it off our hands - ultimately means no gate for the gathering

Most memorable moment:
Back in faction after the rite, seeing how many people were listening to the forging song and singing along, and having Marianna duck out just before the end so she didn't get applauded etc... she did her job, she didn't need further recognition.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

7:42PM - April

Been waay too long (3 months) since I posted proper updates... so here goes:

April 1st - No fridayoke for me.... everyone is doing something else and doesn't want to be with me / can't go :'(

I love going out and singing and listening to other people who are really good :) Plus I know the DJ and he makes everyone feel at ease :)

April 2nd - Long day but has been good. Went shopping with a kit and an IKEA happened.... also got plinth protectors for my new kitchen, 19 days and counting :D

Got things for Kit's new flat and spent about £50 myself... also did girlie shopping and got protectors for the new kitchen. Knew it was gonna be the start of a very busy month :)

April 3rd - Waay too much food left over from bbq and we're all stuffed... nom nom chilling chicken :) ... but does mean chicken left for casserole, steak left for steak

Weather was gorgeous and we had friends come over. Definetly need to do this more... need more sun tho!!!

April 4th - *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* mmmmmmmm steak :D

As there was food left over we had steak and onions and pepper sauce.... one of my favourites. I can ususally make steak to taste (Ki has his medium) but my has to be charcoaled :D

April 5th - Washing nearly done, just needs drying. Transport and accom sorted. Even sorted a car to go see friends next Tuesday. Just need to do the exercises online and pack.... looking forward to the next 10 days, but gonna miss my Ki..

Basically the next 10 days would be lots of transport and different hotels. Fri to Sun was the nationals, Sun to Thursday would be Telford, Thursday to Friday was to be Birmingham, then back to Edinburgh to tiday ahead of Dad arriving the following Thursday....

April 8th - And we're off to the nationals :D !!!!!!

Is drunkled... but needing to be responsible and do work for next week :( tomorrow however.....

The nationals were brilliant. Sheffield is easy enough to get to and enjoyed the RP. I played in Urban Fantasy, so got to play Scion and the Dresden Files. Loved both of them, and got to play with Scott as well (plays Koffee shop Ali). Game was downed my one GM being enraptured by another player (to the extent the rest of the party were taking the piss IC, but the GM completely failed to notice). Friday night was lots of drinkies and got drunkled. Went for an early night tho as travelling made me really tired. Saturday was dressing up in the dress and skirt I'd been making for the previous 2 months with corset and feather fan/feathers in my hair. Caroline looked stunning in hers, I was told I was very American 1880's :) Sunday Ki and I ended up winning twice in the raffle and then parting ways....

April 10th - wants company via msn or text :(

had to go via wolverhampton, then a 20 min taxi ride to get to telford. Not a happy bunny.

Sunday I was to go from Sheffield to Telford for a 4 days course, then a day in the Birmingham callcentres. Got the train at 7pm to find out in Birmingham that trians weren't going to Telford due to strikes about pay. Got told to get the train to Wolverhampton where there would be a replacement bus service. Now I get badly travel sick when I am on a coach, its a combination of being so high up off the ground with the smell of tghe cleaning products used. Luckily I chat to people, and found a wonderful guy who was from Telford and said to share a taxi would only be about £20-£25 (~£10 each). I never got to know his name and he was a knight in shining armour.
Mon to Thursday was the course, learning a new computing skill at the level I already knew, plus database design. Monday night was chatting to everyone else on the course in the hotel, getting to know the instructor as well as he was staying in the same place. Now if you ever go to Telford, never stay at the Park Inn... its tired and outdated. I was given a DISABLED access room to begin with till I complained. At least it was all clean and I had access to power to charge my laptop and phone (luckily I can create a wifi hotspot via my mobile internet, so could go online!)
Tuesday I'd arranged to hire a car and go see Leanne and Ciaron. Car hire was £20 and fuel £10... much cheaper and easier than public transport :) I got to see there gorgeous house and meet both cats, though one is huge!!!! Bigger than Smudge!!
Wednesday I got to see Scott :) He picked me up after work and went to the Kidderminster pizza hut for tea. Caught up after not seeing him since Ki's and my wedding in 2008. Went back to his and he gave me the present he'd got made for the PV... a shield with the symbol on it with a matched pair of swords (carbon fibre) Absolutely gorgeous!!!! He dropped me back at the hotel and I walked past the guys on my course with said weapons. Had to go back to explain after, but they weren't phased at all. I thought I would have been able to pack everything in the suitcase, but the swords were too long and the shield too wide. So I wrapped up the swords in a towel and attached them to the shield for easy transport.
Thursday was the last day of the course and I checked out of the hotel. Then it was time to get the train back to Birmingham to the Jury's Inn hotel on/near Broad St.
Again I got a shoddy room, right next to the lifts so really noisy and made me feel quesy. Went downstairs, complained, and got moved to a room far away from the lifts. Then had to go to the office for a 7-9pm shift on the phones. Was really good and helped me understand some of the data I get to see. Then went for food and collasped in bed :)
Back tracking a little I have to say thanks to Eddy, who lent me an external DVD drive, meaning the evenings I was bored I could watch friends or movies :)
Friday was all day at the office - well till 3pm. The Jurys Inn let me store my luggage till it was time to check out. Got to see all areas of the callcentre and made a few contacts
Luckily I got to leave early as I was travelling back to Edinburgh, and as the journey was over 3 hrs got to travel 1st class :) Free food and drink, and comfy seats are brilliant. Internet was sporadic so instead watched friends all the way back up :)
Ki was waiting on the platform when I arrived and was I glad to see him!! Went straight to Gill's "back in her flat"-warming party then home to collapse!

April 18th - Fri I got home n collapsed (after seeing the fabulous Gill!) Sat was washing, painting, flooring the attic and sorting the kitchen. Today was a 6km walk and getting a towbar fitted to the car.. Thought people were meant to rest on their days off??

After a busy week the weekend was no different. Got to bimble around leith walk with Razzle and Ki, and then buy my nephews 1st birthday present. Also meant my 7 seater car now had a towbar, ready for the Spring mainline events :)

Later that day - Is anyone available tomorrow or Weds evening who is big n strong? Need to move two huge units out of kitchen, into trailer then leave them at the dump...... They require 3-4 people to move and only have 2 volunteers.... :(

Ended up posting them on freecycle and they were snatched up quickly. Basically this was the start of stripping the kitchen ready for my dad. :)

April 21st - Is in pain. But kitchen!!!! :)

I'd done too much lifting and pulled something in my back... but I was getting my kitchen changed form the pigsty it was to something modern and awesome!!

April 22nd - After an hour without power (the main fuse blew and we had to wait for the engineer) project kitchen is back on track. All the electrics are now done, and most of plumbing. Only did 5 trips to B&Q today :P Day two will hopefully see the new floor sorted.....

We thought the plumbing would take longer than it did, and also switched the water off at the mians the day that the next door neighbour gave birth to a baby boy - Daylen (we got it back on before she came home from the hospital tho!)

April 24th - Feels accomplished. Managed 46 days without Coca-Cola or chocolate (even checked so I never had cocoa in any form). Guess I do have willpower after all...

Lent this year was a struggle for me, but I wanted to do it and do it right......

April 26th - ‎14 trips to B&Q so far, another planned for tomorrow... lets hope this will be the final trip

Sadly it was not to be...... :( there were 19 in all....

April 28th we got a Mandy in the evening, staying the night before we took cats to the cattery and headed down to Spring Moot. Friday to Monday was the event, with calls happening to B&Q on both Friday and Saturday. They hadn't delivered my kitchen doors when they said they would, so arranged a meeting with the store boss for when we got back and told my dad to go home.

More to come about May and June... sorry for the long post!!

1:16AM - Writer's Block: My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump

What’s your favorite Tom Hanks movie or character, and why?

I absolutely love Forest Gump, but would actually have to say my favourite is Philadelphia. The acting is amazing and it highlights one of todays struggles with society.


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

7:42PM - GEF

IC Hot: Unicorn storytelling on Sunday night. We had songs, stories, memories and history; all without any interruptions. Was brilliant to reminisce with older members of the faction (Dredd, Paxo, Runz). Also haven't gone that bright red in a long time....

IC Not: Losing Brother Agnus, but he died being a big shiny hero.

OC Hot: Seeing everyone again, the weather, PV food club, the toilets!!

OC Not: The weather on Monday

Most memorable moment: "Marianna, you know how you are a Master Weaponsmith? Well the minotaur says we need one to make the artefact, and the faction want you to do it" - cue being speechless for a little bit ;)

Fantastic event, have got the worst after event come-down I have ever had, but can't wait for Summer Moot now :D

Friday, May 20, 2011

9:13AM - stolen from lu

You Are a Democratic Leader

As a leader, you try to make decisions that benefit as many people as possible.

You know that you can't please everyone, but you do like to get everyone's input.

You are good at facilitating compromise and consensus. You meet people half way.

You may have the final say, but you don't want anyone to feel like you made an unfair decision.

What Kind of Leader Would You Be?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Friday, April 15, 2011

7:49PM - March

3rd - Mums Birthday

Twas my mums 59th birthday... which led me to realising I need to plan something for next year - something big :D *squee*

5th - fridayoke - check, up early to go to cattery to see what its like - check, off to garage to get car sorted & happening as we speak. Then just need to do weekly shop, then go and tidy house... what an exciting life I lead...

Februarys late fridayoke went well, only us girls turned up (Kit Gill n Me) but was awesome :) Still a bit snowy but Gill wowed the masses and us other two didn't do too bad either :P

This Saturday was hectic, not unlike the prior two where I'd been LRPing. Unfortunately back in the real world there washing, pots, food shops etc tyo do :(

Later that Day
is ill... currently under a blanket LJ the sofa. Luckily I have an amazing husband who is willing to do my share of the housework as well as his :)

I think the 1400 miles driven solely by myself over two weekends including 24 hours of LRP in that time and 5 days of work caught up on me......

and why have we had three people knock on the door in the two hours needing to be let in... and house is a bombsite

I suppose we are usually away on a Saturday doing something or other, couldnt believe the amount of people that called, true one was expected (market research) but still...

And finally.....
Well cattery seen, car fixed, gave an oap a lift home, did the weekly shop, saw the recycling guy at two, took part in a survey, caught up with parentals and got status on kis car to be, washed 5 loads of washing, dried 4 loads (last one in dryer as we speak), watched 6 episodes of csi and the latest good wife, bedding changed, pots done, living room starting to look tidier... sleeps now??

I'm sure this says something... even when ill all this can be acheived by a woman :P ;p

10th - dnd was awesome tonight. lots of fighting but also lots of role-ma-play. Can't wait for next weeks session now... also tomorrow is fridayoke.. who's a coming out???

My character finally got laid *lol* but was a good chance to actually RP rather than roll dice and dungeon bash like I've had in other games. That said I adore the GM, not afraid when players think outside the box :)

11th - Is helping a kit move :)

Fridayoke didn't happen, was just too tired to do that - but did help Kit move, took her Gills washing machine, TV and microwave, then went to the old flat to do a load.

I looked after the cars, was a good thing too else there'd have been problems....

If you're using your ex-girlfriends stuff (e.g. shelving), and if you know she's moving out on a particular day, then you make sure your stuff isn't on it? OK maybe not in a bad break up but this was meant to have been amicable?? *mutters under breathe* but by the time we got home it was definintely sleeps times not singing times....

12th - Is looking forward to pancakes later... om nom.. gonna have to be banoffee tho as I cant have choccie

Went with Gill to the something fish beauty parlour (dont ask me it was a groupon thing). We both got a swedish massage and it was really good, the selection of choices for there was also good and its just at the bottom of leith walk, so would go again :)

Got lost taking Gill home (well after I dropped her off) and went past a loch... turned out I'd headed out of fife into perthshire *shrug* was only an extra 10-15mins to the journey and I got to see pretty scenery.

That evening was pancakes, I definitely ate my fill of banana, toffee sauce and squirty cream :)

17th - Dnd.. Chinese... perfect night tonight :)

MOre D&D, can you tell I get good RP out of it? :P

18th - Its fridays night, nine pm, and I'm going to bed. Seeya at 6am :(

Still shattered, hadn't managed to catch up on rest, so come nine pm when I was snoozing on the sofa I decided being in a bed was better *nods*

19th - feels human now she's had a breakfast roll from SNAX. Now to navigate back through Edinburgh to my home....

Took Ki to the train station so he could go to Barnsley to pick up his new (R reg) car (was my uncles), had a snax roll then headed home. Started on pots and packing and tidying ready for getitng the new kitchen in. Managed 5 boxes when I felt something pull in my back. Resting didn't ease it so I took the rubbish out. Twas then Jasper decided to go for it..... By 12 he still hadn't come back or been seen/heard, Ki was in Barnsley and told me to go out and he'd come back at teatime, so I did. Bought material and lace edging for my skirt, but dedcided to head home rather than doing more dressmaking (plus my back was getting worse).

Jasper was there waiting for me when I got back at 4pm, and Ki got home at 6pm :)

20th - Have realised I am a quarter the way through lent and managing without chocolate and coca cola.... I say managing cos I certainly am not coping.... craving the stuff every day!!!

Felt really good to have kept up the willpower...

22nd - Strained muscle in back has caused me to walk funny, which in turn has given me aches n pains down the left side of my body and my left foot is now swollen :( needing huggles and not walking/driving for the next few hours...

Monday at work required use of a walking stick to get about, Tuesday my left foot was hurting due to walking funny to stop back hurting, also required a stick. Wednesday morning was the same - until I put heels on.
I'd worn flats and had pain, with 4" heels the pain minimised (wont say went cos it didnt) - who'd have thought?

25th - just got bought an ice lolly :)

Not many of us in the office on this particular friday, so the manager of the other half of PI&R bought lollies :) yum :)

25th - Fridayoke!!!!!

Didn't mention this at the time, but after people disappeared from Fridayoke, the Nightclub photographer came round, so razzle's and my pic is on their website:
I really like the pic!

27th - Is feeling accomplished. Only the ruffle and one sleeve left to finish :) I get to wear pretty clothing at the nationals :D

Spent a lot of Saturday at Carolines sorting the dress and the skirt, the shapeless bag of material was finally taking shape :D

31st - Feels zombielike this morning as I was up late last night. On the plus side, my dress is finished :)

Dress got fully finshed and I got home after 11pm....

All in all a hectic month of being really busy and ill, but was too busy to be ill properly..... but I got to be with friends and family, and thats what really counts!


Monday, April 11, 2011

6:42PM - February 2011

4th: Wants tomorrow to be stress free. So far this week I've had to deal with the possibility of an a&e trip for Ki (on no less than 3 occasions), driving to work, stress at work, being told I'm too anxious by my doc and being given tablets, not getting a massage, blizzards, gale force winds, less than four hours sleep a night... the list goes on....

February started off shit. Ki sliced his hand open on a plate, had another kidney stone, then sliced his hand open on the door handle when he tripped/slipped and grabbed it to keep him up. Our doorhandles have sharp bits on them from the design :( Me, I was badly stressed and the muscles in my neck and lower head were knots on top of knots... Was given Propanonol to help with the constant migraines from the tension which helped a little.

5th: has an amazing friend (Nick) who has stopped there being holes in my upstairs landing floor *squee!*

A good ending to a rubbish week. Nick came and cut up our landing floor, getting rid of bits with holes and putting in solid and rigid replacement floor :)

7th: Enjoyed playing diablo tonight, tomorrow its War For Heaven :)

Started having computer gamers nigths to destress myself. War For Heaven is a RPG Ki created and was taking up through it. My second favourite long runnign game to date (Mikes D&D = 1st, Bens Witchcraft = 3rd). Its a fantastic game and so difficult to not commit a deadly sin IC. Then theres the fact you're not allowed to commit any OOC once the game begins else that counts too!!

18th: Is missing her husband... and doesn't like driving 300 miles by herself.... especially when its windy :(

This was Haven, I volounteered to drive the Edinburgh fae guys so they could make the event, so long as I didnt have to pay for anything. I think they saved over 50% travel costs if they'd have gone by train, so win-win :)

We set off Friday and stayed in a nearby Travelodge, except when we got there two of our rooms had been given to someone else :( We accepted free breakfast (for all 5 of us) as an apology then headed to the event. Did some station runs then it was IC time. Played one of the tribal lizards on two seperate encounters, then played a fae trying to convert incantors beliefs. Was fun but tiring. Did get "into it" with one person who told me to prove my beliefs. I told them to prove theirs and to bring their ancestor down beside me right then. As they couldn't I told them their logic in saying I was wrong, proved they were wrong too :P Didn't like driving the car in gusty winds, not used to a higher sided vehicle like an MPV.

21st: I want Greg from csi's bowling ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was dice shaped and all pearlescent and pretty!!!!

27th: Got home safe at half seven... eight and a half hours to get home :( but was an awesome event..

Right up to the day before the event I was going to be monstering, but had my mind changed by many people. Was a really good event, got to chat loads to people I'd not seen in ages. Got fought over on the Friday night social by two people :P

However thats all I can really say. Marianna was escorted to camp to be kept safe just after 1am by Frappin. She had arrived by ship with others, yet in the morning she was nowhere to be seen, and no-one has seen her since.

Mainlines are going to be interesting :D

Driving back up I heard a dragging metal sound on multiple occasions, but nothing was dangling that we could see. Managed to get back to Edinburgh, but the sound worsened once we hit Berwick

28th: Is in the garage with her car.. :( Thank god I bought the warranty....

Turned out it was a cover for the brakes, required but not covered under warranty. It was removed, but a new part would be needed quickly. They wanted £75p/h plus VAT for labour plus cost of new part. My garage would do it for £35p/h plus VAT plus cost... Hmm it wasn't a hard decision.


6:11PM - January 2011

11th: The anniversary was amazing, we went to the zoo and bought each other membership for the year. We got to see Tibor the one-eyed tiger so close :) Then we went to check into our hotel. Without knowing we were there for our anniversary we were upgraded to a superior room *squee* The meal out was wow, the food delicious. I was even able to order my favourite dessert event though its not been on the menu for two years!

It was a good day, though I did slip at the zoo at the top of the hill and start sliding satdown. Gorgeous views and I got to see one of the tigers so close up.... Membership was bought so we definintely have to go to the highland wildlife park now as thats free entry for us :)

This was also the first time we'd left the kittens overnight, they were grumpy the next morning as they usually get fed at seven and we got back at ten, but it was nice to see we could manage to leave them :P

13th: Why? No really, why? Do they not realise how much they are pissing off soooo many people with their "I art holier than thou"? *headdesk*

This was left deliberately vague, so as to vent my frustration, not to worry - will see the person in question in summer and ask them to their face!

Later That Day...
So today involved no sleep (thankyou kittens) followed by a bit of feeling down, followed by 2hours in the gym (was fantastic) followed by dnd.... although I fumbled the weapon during the fight scene, I did get to wow a new party member (hah I laugh at your +6 bow, I can use it with my natural 20 :D)

I'm loving D&D, I have a wonderful GM who can tell a story well and manage other people in game who maybe aren't as experienced. I like the character, as I get lots of roleplay out of her, even though shes a fighter. Who'd have thought playing an athiest would be so much fun? :D

15th: Claires and Ruths birthday party

It wasn't a bad evening, but I was driving so on soft drinks, and left rather early. It was the end to a tiring week, even though it was the second of 2 weeks off!! I need holidays from my holidays methinks!

22nd: Claires girly party

This was a better gathering of people, quieter, and more chat. Got to curl Sarahs hair and do her makeup.

25th: Wants to be able to budget without life shitting on her and throwing said budget out the window. Plan zero please work this week!! :'(

Ki's car died, and was told it was the fuel pump. If the pump was intact it would be a £200 job, if not....

28th: Is going to cry. Two cars dead in the last month, and over 500 quid spent on most recent car death only six weeks ago. Costs now at over £5k and rising. :'(

It wasn't, metal shards had gone into the injection system. Costs were standing at £2000 to get it taken out of the car and fully flushed out... then there were the costs of putting it back IN again....

29th: Looking for a cheap runabout, good condition, insurance band 8 or lower - any suggestions???

So many people were wonderful, helping out whereever they could, whether it was a relative, gumtree, autotrader or random "my neighbour is selling his car.." Thanks to everyone! However Ki wanted his citroen...

30th: Was halfway handing over cash for a Citroën... then turned out he didn't have the new keeper supplement.... told the guy to contact us when he found it instead... in other words the search is still on.

Went to Glasgow, an 03 citreon xsara, newer model than ki's old car but only £1150 compared to others at £2k+. Car looked fine and drove well, till we got to the cash machine, the guy turned it around and black smoke came out of the exhaust. We got him to do it again and nothing so carried on. I'd handed over £400 when he *noticed* half the logbook was missing and was it ok if we still accepted the deal. We said no, get the other half, then we'll talk. Went back to Edinburgh feeling a bit better.... he never got back in touch...

31st: Is all snuggled up on the sofa having had nom corned beef pie in a giant yorkshire with good company :) all is good :) also done chores so feeling good there too :) gonna sort out rest of car bits n bobs later this week.

Felt much better, and my mum had said my uncle was willing to sell his old car, for £300. Even better my dad was willing to put it through its paces to make sure it passed MOT.

January was full of ups and downs, but I suppose thats life!

5:38PM - Three months have flown by....

... since I last posted, so while I now have time to kill (2hrs before I meet work people in the hotel bar - shall talk about that as Aprils post) I'm gonna do an update, more for my sanity than for anyone else.

So, following this is Janaury, February, March and April postings....


Sunday, March 20, 2011

6:02PM - Pissed off...

Since when did " I will be over but not for all of the evening" translate as "I might be over"???

Answers on a postcard.


Current mood: aggravated

Thursday, January 20, 2011

10:21PM - Writer's Block: Nothing to fear but fear itself

What's your deepest, darkest fear? Have you tried to overcome it?

The thing I fear most is being alone, which is why I throw myself into activities with others. Though this does make me vunerable to being a doormat... Kittens always help though :D

Thursday, January 6, 2011

9:16PM - The new year

Well car is running well, even fully laden :) Have been trying to shrimp n save but I saw a decent sleeping bag online for not a lot which should mean its warmer for me too :)

Then today we went to Tescos for just milk, and ended up getting a hdtv.... 32" for less than £140. Definitely having a bit of good luck atm as it turned out we did a double payment of council tax in September - so now nothing to pay till April now. Looks like the payment went on the tell instead :p

Tomorrow will be fridayoke, not sure on plans for sat or Sunday. Shall have to see..... anyone recommend anywhere nice to go (museum park sightseeing etc)??

A bit upset I could go to Claire n grahams today for boardgames as Ki was being quite ill in the bathroom. Hoping he's better for tomorrow. Even if not well enough to go out, then well enough so I can go :p

Well looking forward to Tuesday tho. Feeding the kitties, then going to the zoo. Then coming back, feeding them lots and going to ciao roma for an anniversary meal and stopping the night at the Carlton Barcelo on the bridges. First time we're leaving the kitties, bit should be an idea of seeing how they cope.

Sending love to those who need it, especially meg, peter and Cisco


Saturday, January 1, 2011

6:48PM - Stolen from Mags....

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Passed my driving test. Organised a national competition for 600 people. Turn 30.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister gave birth to my nephew Lucas. Katie gave birth to chloe, who unfortunately passed away at a few hours old :(

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that close, but Ki's cousin drowned in the canal near his home in May.

5. What states/countries did you visit?
The furthest I got was London for our 2nd wedding anniversary

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A new kitchen (50% of the way there!)

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
30th August, last day of the gathering, and date of the accident :(

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Successfully organising the 2010 student nationals and raising the largest amount to date of over £7000 :D

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not sorting enough house repairs (gutters/fence/landing floor all need repairing)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yeah, lots of colds and now being susceptible to stress in the form of tension headaches/migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car, it has many seats and is like a transformer with bits that move, slide and rotate.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Gillians, always a voice of reason and willing to forgive. Definitely one of the reasons shes one of ny best friends

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Other friends using me like a doormat, not calling when they said they would, cancelling plans at the last minute and treating me n Ki like a taxi....

14. Where did most of your money go?
LARP. Ki and I spend £5k a year on events, food, transport and kit....

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My 30th birthday. Edinburgh party was so much fun :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Not just one song, but "Moonfleet" the musical :)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? - Happier, much! Definitely in a better job.
- thinner or fatter? - Fatter, but also more muscular from doo.g swimming and weights at the gym
- richer or poorer? - Richer! Hence almost new car and an almost kitchen :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Housework, DIY, karaoke

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Being ill, crying

20. How will you be spending Christmas in 2010?
I spent it with Ki and the kittens. Laid back this year :)

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent it with fellow gamers chatting about games, lrp and all things under the sun.. then toasted it in with an energy drink as the designated driver :)

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
12 years with my Ki proves we're in love still :)

23. How many one-night stands?
No one night stands ;)

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The good wife... its back on on the sixth :)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hate is too much of a strong word. There a few people who's actions I am greatly disappointed by, but no-one i hate.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Loving new musicals, avenue q, wicked, moonfleet... the list goes on :)

28. What did you want and got?
To raise the largest amount for charity at the nationals. I aimed for seven k. We managed seven k even tho there were doubting Thomas's

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I liked most of them... can't really pick one

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 30. It was two joint parties with Ki. One in Edinburgh, one in Barnsley. Surrounded by good family n friends, food, music and alcohol. Wouldn't have had it any other way

32. What one thing would have made your year?
Getting to go to Sun City in South Africa to see the WSM finals in September...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Smart casual at work, more girl gothic outside of it (I now own 5 corsets, previously I had none)

34. What kept you sane?
Ki. And pure determination

35. Who did you miss?
Yvonne, Kit and my other faraway friends

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Best... probably Lucas cos he's smiley and all giggles and soo gorgeous. But adultwise probably Daryl as he's up for larp :)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Never think your dreams ate out of reach. You can get them with enough work :)

38. A quote or song lyric that sums up your year.
Greater love hath no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friend.

Current mood: thoughtful

Monday, December 27, 2010

9:55PM - Cars

Well I knew my car had issues, so took it to the garage after the thaw..(18th) well tried to. Car overheated and needed towing to garage. Then on 23rd I got in touch with them to find out it was dead :( Lots of packing ensued with Ki being calm and taking me to used car dealerships. Fell in love with a vauxhall vectra but out of my price range :(

Christmas then happened, roast was awesome and enjoyed cuddles in front of tv with kittens curled up on lap. Boxing day sales happened, have now got a cast iron casserole dish and a mandoline :D happy krysh!

Today went used car shopping again, saw a Renault Megane, a Ford mondeo, a KIA carens, but the one that clinched it was a Hyundai Trajet... two litre diesel.. with SEVEN seats....*squee* it "ticked all the boxes" as four salesmen previously tried and failed to do... :p

Less than 5k, big enough to fit a pop-up tent and a 6 foot quarterstaff, five doors, and at least a 1.6 engine.

Beware, I get to play with it tomorrow :D

Current mood: bouncy

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